August 9, 2012

This afternoon, I looked at them.

They were surprisingly and somewhat disappointingly good.  I like it when pictures of me are good; however, I had assumed that the ones that I took today wouldn’t be, and had thought of something to say about them that I thought was funny.

This is what I had planned to say about them before I saw them:


I took some pictures of myself this morning and sent them to my e-mail.

This afternoon, I looked at them.

They are not physically revealing; none of the pictures that I’ve taken of myself and sent to my e-mail have been physically revealing.

They are not nearly as pretty as the pictures that I took of myself the other night.

I’ve always had a knack for being unphotogenic.  I don’t know if it’s the sort of thing that people can learn; I think that maybe either you have it or you don’t.


The pictures weren’t that bad.  However, I can still say this about them:

I didn’t brush my teeth last night.  Sometimes I do that; sometimes, I’m so tired that I lay on my bed soon after returning to wherever I’m staying, and that’s the last thing that I do for the night.

My teeth are never stark white.  Today, they are less white than usual, which, by Hollywood standards, means that they are loam-colored.

One of the pictures shows what I know are some large pores.

Then, there’s a picture that shows a lot of dots on my face.  They’re not acne.  At first I thought that they might be acne scars or more large pores; however, I’ve never seen my face look like that.  Then, I thought that perhaps they were freckles that the camera in my phone had portrayed in an unflattering way.  Then, I went to the restroom at the Boston Public Library and looked at my face.  There’s nothing on my face that looks like those dots.

I know what’s going on.

My phone is against me.

The conspiracy is even farther-reaching than I thought.

I’m not going to publish the pictures today.  I hadn’t been planning to publish any pictures of myself in the first place, because I didn’t think that I needed what I look like to get out to the world any faster than it already is doing.  Then I felt that maybe it would be ok if I published some pictures of myself, so that people who don’t know what I look like yet won’t be as apt to believe what they’re told by the conglomerate, whether that’s an exaggerated description of my flaws or an exaggerated description of my beauty.


Copyright L. Kochman, August 9, 2012 @ 2:56 p.m.