August 11, 2012

Yesterday, I somehow wrote the search time for the Yahoo search results for the President as 5:14 p.m..  Then I wrote the publication time as 5:13 p.m..  I didn’t notice it until I looked at my list of posts some time later in the afternoon.

You can see from the publication time of the next page that I had been doing things at those times; I wrote the wrong numbers in, and that’s all that happened.

However, I knew that my having written those particular wrong numbers, and the fact that the mistake was a noticeable one because the publication time was after the search time was going to cause me problems with the conglomerate.

I had done the search for the President a number of times yesterday, before, during and after I was writing about one of his blog posts.  I did remember the search time for which I published the results as being “5:12 p.m.,” and I had worried about having done the search at that time because I didn’t want to be accused of hitting on the President.  I shouldn’t worry about those things, because when I am consistent about refusing to worry about it and say “READ MY CODE POLICIES,” things tend to be better, but I do worry about it sometimes anyway.

When I saw what I had published for the page, I thought “That’s terrible; I didn’t publish the worrisome search time, I published one that was both not accurate and just as worrisome for the same reason.”  Then, when I saw that the updated publication time was going to be 5:31 p.m., I had a reaction which I probably shouldn’t have published.

I wrote in that title that I hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep over the previous few days; that was true.  When you’re tired, you’re tired.

When I updated the page, I looked at it dubiously and thought “I don’t know about this; I tried to fix what happened but I don’t know if this is the right repair.”

The number 5 as it’s been seized upon by the conglomerate for almost 2 years has been a slur against me when it’s on its own and a slur to anyone when paired with a person’s code number, so that was one of the reasons that I didn’t worry as much as I might have about publishing the page when I did it.  I’ve said before that nobody should be treated the way that the conglomerate treats me.

Then, the  5 and the 3 in “5:31” add up to 8, so that also seemed to me that perhaps that wasn’t helpful to my avoiding being accused of hitting on the President.  Probably, I shouldn’t have worried about it; it’s not the first thing that someone would think of, and maybe my explanation is going to do nothing more than turn the number “53” into conglomerate code for hitting on the President.  However, the truth is the truth and I’m writing the truth about what I was worried about.  Now I get to worry that the number “53” is going to be code for hitting on the President.

I did think about the title of that page more after I updated it, and I would have tried to edit it again except that I ran out of time and had to leave the Women’s Center for the night.

All of the above is true.  It is also true that I am still so angry about the way that I’ve been treated by and about Zac Efron and Emma Watson that any reminder of either of them makes me angry, and it doesn’t matter what the context of the reminder is.  It’s probably going to be a while before my judgment isn’t impaired in moments when I’ve been reminded of either of them in any way.

This type of explanation about numbers is what I was doing all the time before I thought of trying to write policies about code.  I couldn’t get anything else done; I was constantly defending myself.  As anyone can see, almost everything else that I did yesterday was ignored by the conglomerate, which attacked me about that one thing; that was happening all the time before I wrote the code policies, too.


Copyright L. Kochman, August 11, 2012 @ 10:43 a.m.