August 21, 2012

I said that suicide tends to be something that a person needs to plan to do successfully, but that hitting someone or destroying property tend to be things that happen that someone who is being ceaselessly abused doesn’t plan and that happen before he or she knows it, because he or she can’t take any more.  I said that my fear about being arrested and put in jail was one of the reasons that I felt suicidal; my thought was “Why not kill myself before that happens, because I know that it is likely to happen when I don’t expect it?”

I did feel like hitting that guy this morning.  There have been other times that I’ve felt like hitting someone because of the abuse, and I’ve had to exert a lot of self-control not to do so.

I’ve already documented the suicidal feelings that I’ve had because of the conglomerate’s behavior toward me.  One of my attempts to keep from dying that way resulted in my being put in what was supposed to be a crisis stabilization unit, where I was harassed by some of the staff and patients and where I was videotaped in the bathroom again.

The conglomerate is consistently vicious; what more proof does anyone need of that?  Does it not see itself that way?

I’m not trying to hurt anyone; I get antagonized and I’m not doing anything to anyone.  Can the conglomerate say the same about itself?

Copyright L. Kochman, August 21, 2012 @ 3:32 p.m./I first published this at the time given, and then I erased it with the intention of publishing it at another time today.  @ 5:56 p.m.