If LDC was the person who made some of my search results look the way they do, to try to ‘heart’ me, then: leave my name alone, realize that you’ve hurt me and other people too much for me to heart you back, and that even though I didn’t think that how I wrote the 2nd page today was done the right way, even though I tried to think of other ways to say it several times, I couldn’t. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, and my situation in Waltham is a crisis that I have to deal with, and I could be made to leave the shelter, and I gave those things more attention. I couldn’t make myself figure out how to be more gentle about identity theft of my name by a human rights abuser who has hurt me and others incalculably. You’re sorry sometimes; I get that. Does it change anything that sometimes you show that sometimes you feel some guilt? I’m still going through everything all the time, and even if it all stops, the videos that have already been made are out there and what I go through because of them is only going to get worse. It wasn’t an accident: everything that you’ve done, you’ve done on purpose. It’s not as if you didn’t know how I felt about all of it, because how I’ve felt about is published on the Internet in several volumes’ worth from years of my writing and talking about it. Do you expect me to like you or to care about how you feel and your half-gestures and non-gestures of contrition that have no substance or momentum at all?
Copyright L. Kochman, October 11, 2012 @ 1:53 p.m.