October 13, 2012

A few weeks ago, I tried to set some priorities for what I was going to try to document.  Since direct, personal harassment of me was what was most likely to make me lose my temper and lead me to do things for which I could get arrested, like hitting someone, I made taking pictures of the people who did that my first priority and after that, stalking vehicles and extreme situations, such as the helicopters and very disruptive bogus projects.  I haven’t made documenting ads as much of a priority.

However, the ad at the bus stop, and the other things that have been going on about the video issue, are saying to me that the video issue is an imminent crisis.  These people are not planning to stop doing to me and others what they’ve been doing, despite everything that I have said about it.  Are the videos about to be put on the Internet or otherwise distributed?  Are they already on the Internet and I haven’t seen them because I don’t know where to look for them?  Are people in the public distributing them with the video devices that the conglomerate has been endorsing for months?

What makes people want to do this to someone?  What do they want to happen, do they have to see me kill myself or for other people to kill themselves because it’s happening to them? 

The fact that I’ve coped so far means that what they’re doing isn’t bad?  Is that what they think?  Is what they think:  “She’s said she’s going to kill herself a lot over the past few years, and she hasn’t done it yet.  She’ll get used to it; it’ll be fine.”  Is that what they think?  I have to do it for them to think “Maybe we shouldn’t have done ALL OF THE FUCKED UP SHIT WE DID TO HER AND TO OTHER PEOPLE.  Gosh, who knew that she really meant what she said she was feeling and yet she was hoping that we’d stop being SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLES and we never did.  What will we all be wearing on the day she gets buried?  What’s so and so going to be wearing?  If we can cry for the cameras, that’d be good; that would show that we’re not THAT bad.  Then we can do a few remorse movies about our undying guilt, and then it will be time for the “How could we have known” movies, the “Now we know better” movies, and then we can go back to the other things we do that are more fun than, like, WORRYING about how we affect the world.”

I’ve written that monologue from the perspective of the people in the entertainment industry who are part of all of that, but it goes for the entire conglomerate.   They couldn’t be more horrible. 

I started this page intending to say that I think the ad for Fidelity Investments helps to illustrate what the motivation for the conglomerate’s behavior toward me is.


Copyright L. Kochman, October 13, 2012 @ 1:56 p.m.