October 15, 2012

I don’t want to keep talking about the fact that the conglomerate’s agenda and behavior make me feel suicidal.  It’s true that it does make me feel that way, but I don’t want to keep talking about it.

So far, I’ve learned to cope with what has happened to my life because of the conglomerate.  I cope and I protest.  My life is very difficult and painful, and there are a lot of other things that I would rather have been doing and would have been doing throughout the duration of the conglomerate if the conglomerate had never happened.

I suppose that I might not kill myself if the conglomerate continues to persecute and violate me and other people.  I suppose that I might not kill myself if the videos of me continue to circulate, if they get put on the Internet or otherwise made available for a lot of people to see at once, and if they continue to be mimicked and talked about in ways other than what a horrible and hateful thing it is to do that to someone, if more continue to be made of me and the same things happen to those.

My saying that is like saying “Someone cut off one of my legs, and I didn’t kill myself over it.  I might not kill myself if they decided to cut off the rest of my limbs.”

Perhaps that wasn’t the best metaphor to use, since someone who has no limbs would probably find it more difficult to commit suicide than I would.

In addition to the video issue, I don’t want to continue to be abused in the other ways that I’ve been abused.  I don’t want the systemic degradation of abuse of women to continue.  I don’t want the endorsement of child molestation to continue.  I don’t want the conglomerate’s agenda to continue; the only reason that I started writing about it in the first place was to try to stop it.  In response, the conglomerate has tried to make my life as miserable as it can.

Copyright L. Kochman, October 15, 2012 @ 3:17 p.m.